Mama Guilt….

IMG_2404Man, OH man… I’ve been dealing with some serious Mama Guilt lately…. and it is not an awesome feeling.IMG_5649

You see there is this bond that has formed between me and my little love and that means that when I have to step away for any extended period of time (oh say any time…) there is a cry that Madison instantly starts, and it is a cry that BREAKS my heart. She looks at me and her whole face says, Mama PLEASE pick me up and love on me because I already miss you and need you sooooo much…..IMG_5646

And then as my heart is breaking into approximately one million pieces, I leave to go teach my class…. no choice, it’s a job, or attend a class… no choice, I’m paying for Grad school… so I have to leave her. Well folks, this past month the “have to” changed and I sorta started to have a life as me again… weird really! I have not gone out in forever, I just don’t. I’m not complaining, because given the choice I’d rather stay home as a family then go out any day, so that is what I do.image-1

But lately, I’ve really noticed how much I appreciate having conversations with other adults, and other women to be specific. See these meet-ups with the babies give me a little glimpse into hanging out with other mamas and while it is short brief periods of time, I really enjoy the friendships I’ve made. I also have made some pretty great friendships with other dental school ladies or wives of… and I NEVER get to see any of these people! So that brings me to this guilt issue…..image-2

About a month ago (like I said, no sleep June, therefore, no posts…) I was invited to go to a Brewer’s game with a few ladies on a Monday night, that just happened to be the night before I had dinner plans with my “bookclub”…. no problem. As I said, I never go out, I didn’t have a problem (or so I thought) with asking the Mr. to watch our little nugget for the nights.image-3

So I went…..

and Maddy cried for 2.5 hours while I was at the baseball game. Now, I did not know this while I was out. I had a great time, ordered a fancy Brewer’s Blue Lemonade, ate a great meal and visited with new friends all of who are also new moms! I didn’t realize how much I had missed girl’s nights out until I was out! We even stayed out until almost 11, wild moms 🙂image-4

Then I came home and made one fatal mistake… I asked the Mr. “how did it go.” And my husband, Captain Truthful, the kind of harsh reality, Mr. won’t sugar coat anything (don’t ask him unless you really are sure you can handle the truth)image

Horrible. “It was horrible, she cried for 2.5 hours straight, hysterically. She wouldn’t drink her milk, go down, play etc……………………” Horrible.

And mood killed, guilt on high. I honestly felt like a balloon that was just hit with a dart. Deflated. I’m pretty sure I could not have felt worse. I was out enjoying myself and my baby love was at home screaming and crying for me. Needless to say, I told the Mr. that I was not going to book club the next night. I stayed up until Maddy woke up to eat and I cuddled her for what felt like forever. She was still red and puffy, my heart was broken.

image-5Cue the next morning where I apparently was acting mad at the Mr. (duh) and he was confused. I said, why did you have to tell me how horrible it was? He said, it was the truth. OKAY, but, I never go out, and Maddy was safe, with her daddy who loves her , not sick, well fed, not hurt etc… she was fine, just missing me. Do I really have to know that she cried. I would rather not know that….. He didn’t understand. But he told me he would just lie to me next time. THANKS!image-6

That afternoon he walked through the door and told me that I was either going to book club with the girls, or he was going to physically remove me from the house and lock me out until 10:00. Seriously… we fought…. he won, I went to book club and griped about him! Then I received several texts all positive about how their night was going, “it’s going great!” “she’s having a blast,” “bath time went great!” “She drank her whole bottle,” “she went right down!”

I didn’t answer one (yep, I’m mature!) I had a great night, living in my blissful state of things are going well at home! To this day, I have no idea if he was lying, but I don’t care!!! In this instance, I am grateful for the white lies and night away from guilt!

Mama guilt, it’s a real powerful thing!!!!images

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