Baby Bloopers!

OH MY GOODNESS!

If there is one thing I have learned since having Maddy is that we know NOTHING!!! Looking back there have been so many laughable parenting moments that I need to document a few of them so that we will remember all our baby bloopers in the years to come!!!

Night one: The very first night we spent in the hospital after Maddy was born Justin and I had just fallen asleep and probably a very deep sleep because that day was exhausting…. all the sudden Maddy was screaming, I mean this baby was DISTRAUGHT!  I (just given birth) could not get up and out of my bed on my own was calling out for Justin to get UP and hand me the baby.  He sits up and proclaims (loudly) Alyson, there is a baby crying in here!

I a little dumbfounded, told him – Yeah, that’s our baby and you need to hand her to me!!!!  We as BRILLIANT new parents thought we had the tools to soothe and calm our baby down *HAHAHAHAHAHAHA* We didn’t have a clue what we were doing!!  We rocked her, tried to feed her (thought we were….) Walked around with her, talked to her… did everything we could think of, but nothing calmed her down enough to go to sleep.  We were both so tired we finally gave in and called our night nurse in for reinforcement…

She walked in and quickly took charge, within minutes she was helping me ACTUALLY feed Maddy, got her (and us calm) and then convinced us to send her to the nursery in order for all three of us to get some sleep.  After oh, say, three minutes of me trying to convince the nurse that we were good, she told me, I was being crazy, and all new moms need sleep.  OK, you can have her 🙂

Changing Diapers:

Before having Maddy I had only changed a diaper in our child-birth class… on a fake plastic baby.  So we pretty much knew that Justin was going to take the lead on diaper changes for a little while.  Maddy apparently realized quick that she could pull a fast one on her Daddy when he was changing her (I say it’s her version of revenge because she does not like having her diaper changed!)  Each time Justin opens up the diaper and before he gets the new one down (still not sure why he doesn’t put a new one under first….) she let’s old faithful start flowing (his name)  She has peed on him so many times it’s not even possible to count!!! One time she let some number 2 go… but he was fast enough to get out-of-the-way!!!

Aqua Bogging:

Yep… this happened! Bath number three I think… Maddy was just getting ready to be pulled out of the bath and she got this huge grin on her face and que loud sound…. poop filled the tub! Well, bath number 4 happened that same night!!!

Let’s see…. a few spit ups that could win records for distances achieved… volume produced… and number of times in a 24 hour period…

Oh! And my favorite!!!  When Maddy gets hungry she tends to ummm…. turn into her bottles (yep, I’m breastfeeding….) so when Maddy gets hungry and someone other than me is holding her she turns into their bottles (that are not working bottles) 🙂  This is especially awkward when the person holding her has not had kids, or is a man!!!  Both I find to be HILARIOUS!!!

So WARNING if you are holding Maddy and she starts smacking those pouty lips it may be best to hand her off to me before you get a early taste of motherhood!!

And lastly for this bloopers post….

The other day I was snuggling with her on the couch when she started nuzzling on my neck (or so I thought…) all of a sudden she attached her self to my neck with a strong suction!!! I started cracking up and had to break the seal, turns out my baby can give one heck of a hickey!! HAHA!

For now, I’m off to change another diaper… cheers to many more baby bloopers!