An upside-down “Ah ha” moment over lattes

Do you ever wonder what people will come to you for advice?

 Marital issues. Hair style. Destination weddings. Tailgate parties. College Football predictions…. Job advise… really anything of significance.

 So we have been married for like 4.5 years clearly an expert – I think that we’ve got this thing down. Communication CHECK, putting dirty dishes away CHECK, cleaning house every Thursday regardless of alternate plans CHECK. We are rocking this marriage.  Then a lady I know came to me with the what she said was a need for advise like ASAP. Could we go for coffee?

She is recently married, OKAY! I mean I was like Oprah ready to give her an “ah ha” moment.  Until she started in… on me… not her marriage yes, bitter.  “Where do you go to color your hair (what?! totally natural…side-eye)? SPEECHLESS.

“And I am just curious, but how long does it take for you to get ready in the morning, you are always “made-up”? OMG! Who are you?!

And (because clearly there is more… )I am sure you have, and I have NEVER (sure you are , because obviously all FAKE)?” But, do you wear spanx? (ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!)Mouth wide open.  I just stared at her. 

Let me give you a little background on women from the South. We get ready every morning regardless of what we have going on. It is just assumed that our hair and make-up are naturally emphasized beauty. We get our hair done.  NOT colored, dyed etc.. just done. What is done is done.. leave it be. And we do not talk about our undergarments to new acquaintances or anyone while sipping a non-fat skinny vanilla lattes at STARBUCKS.  AND we NEVER call someone out for wearing spanx! Have you any clue what spanx are?! They are fat smoother-outer undergarments, as in PRIVATE!

I took a big gulp, and continued to stare at her.  And obviously feeling my hesitation, she said…”I hope these aren’t too personal of questions?” Well, bless her heart for being concerned. . . ! No, no. I talk about my fakeness to everyone I meet. Hey there Miss 19-year old barista, I would like to talk to you about how I dye my hair, and my underwear. What?! I would never.

 Collecting myself, I thought rationally about how to answer these questions.  Then I decided, maybe she is just looking to freshen her look and I can kind of ummm, give her a mini- makeover?! I was so excited. Okay, I am like Carmindy and Stacy combined on What Not to Wear! YEAH!Putting my own feelings about the tact used to ask these questions I quietly (in Starbuck’s y’all) gave her my salon’s name, the make-up I use and information on you know…

 Then I am not joking you. Over the next couple of days I received the following two texts.  Real time people & I just discovered I have Microsoft paint! yeah!!I RAPIDLY came to the realization that I must be ummmm, high maintenance?! Read: superficial? Yes, Mr. Coffman this is news to me…

 Who knew? Not me.

So to summarize. My hair color no matter what shade is natural (naturally put on there by Dan @ Tease…),  I roll out of bed read every day (rolled out to my make-up vanity), And I get spray tanned. Although, that last one is actually progress since I have not been in a tanning be since living in Wisconsin (that is like almost two years y’all!!!)

 Do you think anyone every asked Betty Draper these questions?! My guess is no. Classy, private friends that gal had! HAHA! Just kidding! le sigh.

I am grateful I was taught to get ready before heading out, it makes an unexpected encounter with a friend or neighbor at Target that much more enjoyable!

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Comments

  1. You weren’t kidding in your e-mail today! Sorry to be on the bandwagon of Nosey Nellys. What can a say, I am about as opposite of “Southern Belle” as they get! 🙂

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